Poker!
(Dee Shipman / Charles Aznavour)

Last week I'm dragged off to some dive
By three guys giving me the jive
About the hottest game in town

Take me to a little room
Downstairs in the smoky gloom
And round a table we sat down

Rolled our sleeves, kicked off our shoes
Ordered up some heavy booze
And then the party really started 
As I'll now explain

You take the cards
You riff' the cards
You cut the cards
You deal the cards
It's great! We got ourselves a poker game!

Pick up your cards
Look at your cards
You curse the cards
And then discard
Throw three away and then the pair remain

When everyone has had their go
You try to read their eyes
They're acting cool, but you can't know
How much is true or lies

You count the cards
I took three cards
He took two cards
Can't trust the cards
I'll take one more and bluff again

I must be drunk to talk to you
The first says to the second, who
Says something I cannot repeat

Third one lays a hundred down
I say "Plus a thousand, clown"
Which rocks the others off their seats

"Okay suckers, time to pay...
I win with three queens" I say
Then one replies "But my three kings beat
Your three girls you'll find"

You take the cards
You riff' the cards
You cut the cards
You deal the cards
What am I doing here? Have I lost my mind?

Pick up your cards
Look at your cards
You curse the cards
And then discard
How could I lose? I had three of a kind!

I called myself all kinds of ass
What was it all about?
'Cos' I found when the night had passed
Those guys had cleaned me out

Those lousy cards!
Who needs the cards!
Tore up the cards
Threw down the cards
I'll leave the whole damn crew behind!

The moment I get up to go
I hear some shots then whistles blow
Must be a hundred cops or more

Sergeant tells me it's a bust
Now they want to question us
I feel the long arm of the law

In a panic overcome
Lose my nerve, and I'm struck dumb
"Don't hurry son" they say, "You've got five
Minutes to explain"

You take the cards
You riff' the cards
You cut the cards
You deal the cards
I only had a pair, I'm not to blame!

Pick up your cards
Look at your cards
You curse the cards
And then discard
The superintendent said "The facts remain

You'll go to jail and serve your time
But it won't be too hard
Because you're gonna be assigned
To file the record cards"

You take the cards
Look at the cards
You sort the cards
Arrange the cards
A civil servant now in all but name

I know crime doesn't pay
How I regret the day
The day I played that poker game!